Writing is hard. Sometimes I sit down, look at the screen with my fingers dancing just above the keyboard and, nothing. No words, no thoughts, no ideas. The only clear thought I seem to have is, “I don’t know what to write.” I think that probably happens to everyone, those of us who love to write and those that have to right. We have all, at one time or another, suffered from writers block. It’s normal and it’s okay; as long as you don’t let it keep you from writing. But there is another type of “block” that keeps the words from flowing; the fear of being known.
We are all afraid of being really and truly known. And yet, secretly in our hearts, we all desperately desire to be really and truly known. It’s quite the paradox. Sometimes life is just too hard or too much; the words I might put down on the page would betray me, I would be known by others. They would see my flaws, my anxiety and doubt. They would know I’m afraid and that is just too risky. So the page stays blank and I shut down the computer and walk away. The crazy thing is; I want to be known. I want to just be truly me; to say what I think, how I feel, what my dreams are; and to have that be okay. I want all my “stuff” to be known and still have the love and acceptance of others. But that’s not how it usually works. That’s why we all hide. We’ve all been rejected because who we are isn’t good enough for someone.
We are all guilty of being that judgmental “someone”. We are tolerant, loving and accepting people; unless someone isn’t tolerable, lovable, or acceptable. Shamefully, I have to admit, I’m guilty of it; jumping to conclusions or passing judgement on someone. Simply not allowing them to be them. I don’t know what the solution is; other than to just knock it off and allow people to be who they are.
It’s so important to remember who people are and what people do are two separate things. Disagreeing with someone’s choices or opinions does not have to mean we stop allowing them to be themselves. I know this is hard, there are a lot of big issues that blur the line between “do” and “be”; but we could make things better if we were diligent about searching for that line and trying not to cross it.
I’d like to say that, after processing these thoughts, I’m just going to put it all out there, be known and let the chips fall where they may; but I’m not. It’s still too risky. So, for tonight, I’m going to take my fingers off the keys, close the laptop and walk away.