Discontent and Dissatisfied

To quote Mick Jager “I can’t get no satisfaction”. I don’t know if it’s because I have the winter blahs, or I’m having a mid-life crisis. Perhaps it’s because I’m an ENFP or maybe it’s just a poor attitude; but I’m feeling frustrated and stuck. I feel like it’s time for a change, but I just can’t seem to put my finger on what that change should be. To put it simply, I am feeling discontent.

I’m tired of my job, the place and the people are great, but the work bores me and I feel like it consumes the lion’s share of my life. Yes, yes, I know that I just recently chose to stay here when offered another job, but that’s beside the point. Just because I chose to stay doesn’t mean I love it, the other job just wasn’t right for me. I’m bored with the type of work I’m doing, or at least with doing it this way. I’m beginning to wonder if I’m to the point where I just want to do things on my own terms and work for myself. But I’m not sure and I certainly don’t want to jump in feet first only to realize that my career wasn’t the problem after all. If I am going to make a change, it needs to be a gradual shift and I honestly don’t know where to start.

I want to move; and I don’t. It sounds like a fun adventure to move to a new house in a new town; it also sounds like an enormous amount of work. Our lives aren’t really anchored in the community where we live. Neither my husband nor I work in town. Our children are no longer in school here and we don’t go to a local church either. But moving won’t change any of that. I work in a large city west of home and my husband works in a large city east of home. Moving one way or the other doesn’t solve the “living where we work” issue. (Unless I do throw all my caution to the wind and make a change) Also, I don’t think either of us would be happy living in the city long term; been there, done that. It would be fun for a year, maybe two and then we’d be looking at house in the country again. Our current house doesn’t really meet all of our needs anymore but it’s also home. It’s where we raised our children and built our life together. A new place could be more what we want and also be the place where we build the next phase of our life.The housing market has also been volatile. It is improving, but it would still make sense financially to wait awhile before we sell.

In my crazier moments (or maybe not so crazy) I tell my husband: “Let’s sell everything, quit our jobs, cash out the retirement and start over. Adventure here we come!” But then the practical side of me rears its head and that sounds like a scary and dumb idea. I want to see things, try things, do things; maybe that’s what all this discontentment is about, maybe I’m just not living my life the way I’m meant to live it. Maybe I just crave more living.

I may not know what I want to do, where I want to live or what I want life to look like, but I do know that I don’t want to look back ten years from now and discover that I’m still here: still dissatisfied, still discontent. And I don’t think that’s what will happen. I’m trying to ask myself some tough questions, working to find the root of the issue and fix it….so maybe there’s hope for me after all.